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Friday, September 26, 2014

September 26, 2014

The voices in my head have been aggravating me all day. They claim to be aggravating me just enough to get away with it. They do not think they can be prosecuted in a court of law for what they are doing, since they are not actually hurting me physically. The court would need to prove that the voices in my head are real and how on Earth would they do that?  I am mortified that my thoughts keep turning to these crazy Santeria/voodoo practicing people. I want nothing to do with this.   I do not practice Santeria. I do not know anything about it, nor do I want to. The voices keep telling me that they are putting Santeria/voodoo hexes on me. It is so crazy. I wish the voices would just stop talking to me.  I feel like I am losing an uphill battle.  Lately I feel like I am being followed too. I see these people around town and it is truly frightening. Are they just visual hallucinations? Everyone claims the voices in my head are auditory hallucinations and now I am having visual hallucinations on top of that. How is it that my situation is worsening every day, with all the help I am receiving?  I felt out of control at the beginning of this episode, but I am still frustrated. This has dragged on for months and the voices keep claiming it will not end ever. I want this to be over now. I want the voices to stop bothering me. I am taking my medication. It does not seem to be working. I am seeing my psychiatrist regularly. I have the support of my family and friends. How could my psychological state be worse now than it was when I was unmedicated? No matter what I do, they keep yapping in my ear all day and night. It is so aggravating. How can I prove what they are doing to me and make them held accountable for this? I have no one helping me. I worry that I will remain stuck like this, with these voices incessantly yapping at me forever.

Esteban: Stupid b****. You’re not even worth helping. That is why no one is helping you.

Federica: You’re my enemy so be forewarned, I’m going to hex you until the day you die. Be forewarned.  You’re not even worth helping.

Esteban: I will give you something to blog about. If you are so mortified by this, why are you blogging about it? Stupid b****.

Federica: Why don’t you f*** off and die of cancer?

Esteban: This makes us look bad, but we don’t think anyone is reading your blog, stupid b****.  What are you doing blogging about how we are hexing you? Stupid b****.

Federica: We are never going to stop hexing you, especially now that you are blogging about this.

Leigh: I hate you. Be forewarned. Keith, my husband, is my property.  Keith is my husband. Keith is not interested in a romantic relationship with you.  How sad. She thinks he is interested in her. I like repeating myself. I like repeating how Keith is my husband. It bothers you when I say that so I am repeating it over and over. It’s true too. Keith is my husband.  So be forewarned. I am not going to stop hexing you for messing with my marriage.

***And for the record, there was never an affair. (maybe one made up in my head). There were never any private phone calls.  We never met up or even discussed meeting up. I don’t know where this is coming from. If this woman’s marriage is over I really can’t tell. On Facebook they look so happy together. I really had nothing to do with it, if their marriage ended. At least there was no physical contact or meeting up with anyone to call an affair. We live on opposite ends of the state and I have never even been to their end.  This is so odd. I may be beating myself up for adding someone on Facebook who I probably should not have added.  Still, it does not qualify as an affair. I commented on a few of his pictures and chatted him up once or twice. (Most of this was public) I also deleted him as a friend soon after I added him. I did have sort of a crush on him so I deleted him. I felt weird about it. But his wife attacking me for an affair that never happened is ridiculous. I think I just feel guilty for adding someone on Facebook that I used to have feelings for. Maybe that is where all this is stemming from. It was a bad idea to begin with. Did I make this all up in my mind?

Federica: Stupid bitch.  You are not making this up in your mind. This is really happening.

September 28, 2014

Esteban: Stupid bitch. This is Esteban. I have been the one hexing you this whole time. Leigh and Federica know how to practice Santeria too. Even if you get me thrown in jail, someone else will be practicing Santeria on you. I have many friends and family members who practice as well. So be forewarned.

Federica: How stupid. You’re my enemy, so be forewarned. I’m not talking to you if you are going to blog about everything I say to you. Leigh hates you for breaking up her marriage.  Her marriage is not where it should be, because you messed with her husband. You’re messing with the wrong family. We know how to practice Santeria. This is going to get worse. This is never going to end so be forewarned. Stupid bitch. You are so stupid for blogging about everything we say to you. You are not going to get help from anyone by blogging about this. You are only going to make yourself look bad publicly. I hate her so much. I am willing to put my life on the line to hex her and to get revenge for what she has done.  Be forewarned.

Leigh: Yes, we hate you so much. We are willing to put our lives on the line to get revenge on you for messing with my property.  You are my enemy.

Federica: You are my enemy too.

Leigh: You’re a homewrecker. You went after Keith when he practiced Santeria on you.

Federica: Most of this is made up to prove a point that you are unworthy of being Keith’s wife.  You never say anything positive about him.  You wish he never got you involved in this.  You blame him for you being hexed by us.  Stupid bitch. You can’t even type.  You can’t even spell type. Why don’t you talk about your boyfriend at the pool?  I want to hear what you have to say.  We’ll get it out of you eventually.  If Stephen reads this and I’m sure he will, he will see that you are only taking your children to swim lessons to flirt with younger men. Be forewarned.

Leigh: How sad. She wants everyone to feel sorry for her so she is blogging about how cruel we are to her. It is only going to come back to haunt you when everyone who reads this sees what a homewrecker you are.

Federica: I think we have said enough for tonight. Stupid bitch.

One of Esteban’s friends:  This is not a book or movie in the making. This is people talking shit to a homewrecker. Be forewarned.

Leigh: How sad. We are talking so much shit about her. Everyone hates her now.  You’re my enemy.

Federica: You’re my enemy too.  Esteban has something to say too.

Esteban: I’m making your life a living hell so be forewarned. I want you to pay for what you have done to my sister.

Leigh: I honestly think you are better off with nobody. Be forewarned.

As I laid down to do to sleep tonight, the voices started attacking me again. (as they do every night.)

Esteban: Stupid bitch.  We are going to ruin every daydream, every dream, every night of sleep that you have. Your days of daydreaming about Keith or anyone else you are attracted to are over. We are going to invade your dreams and turn them into nightmares. Be forewarned.

Federica: When you are away from your computer we are going to say everything we can say to irritate you and ruin your night. When you are at your computer, we are going to say things that make YOU look bad. Be forewarned.  She is stupid for typing everything we dictate to her because it makes her look SO bad.  Be forewarned.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

The Voices in my Head

In January of 2014 I started hearing voices in my head. I was not taking any psychiatric medication at the time. In the beginning, I contacted the police numerous times because I believed these individuals were practicing Santeria on me. Although I am taking medication now and am under the care of a psychiatrist, what I was feeling before still feels very real to me. The voices continue to haunt me daily.  There are three main voices. They have identified themselves as Leigh, Esteban & Federica. The following are excerpts of what the voices express to me morning, noon, and night. My apologies for the crudeness of my blog. The voices in my head are very angry and use profanity alot.

Leigh: I am your enemy, so be forewarned.

Federica: You are a stupid b**** so be forewarned.

Leigh: We need to talk. You are my enemy so be forewarned. You’re stupid if you think anyone is going to help you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.  How can you be so stupid? We need to talk. I am not taking part in this. You are screaming for help.

Federica: We need to talk. You are trying to get help and we recommend you do not do that. You have to be the stupidest person I have ever met.

Leigh: We are never going to stop hexing you. Be forewarned.
This will get worse before it gets better. Do not blog about the things we say to you.

Federica: Your creepy blog is not going to help you so, be forewarned.

One of Esteban’s friends: Stupid b****, I am not helping you. I am here to hex you.

Leigh: Stupid b****, you need to be sweet to the people hexing you. We may need to hex you a little harder now that you are blogging about us. Be forewarned. I hope your blog embarrasses you. You always look back on your posts with embarrassment. I hope you feel embarrassed about this blog. Be forewarned.

One of Esteban’s friends: We need to talk. Esteban is hexing you. People are going to think you are bat s*** crazy. Do not publish this blog.

Esteban: Stupid b****, this is Esteban…

One of Esteban’s friends: We need to talk. Esteban has the capability to mess your life up.

Esteban: You want silence. We will give you silence. But we will NEVER stop hexing you.

Leigh: You’re my b**** so be forewarned. I am not through with you yet…
___________________________________________________________________________
September 19, 2014

I have been battling the voices in my head off and on all day. Recently, visual hallucinations have joined my auditory hallucinations, increasing my stress level. I believe that I am seeing these individuals around town and they are stalking me. I fear they are plotting to attack me. I believe they know where I am and what I am doing at all times. They can see me when they are not in front of me. How could I get away from them? They even know what I am thinking. The following dialogue is how the voices in my head reacted to me tonight, as I sat down to blog about my day.

Federica: I am not saying anything. I do not want to help you write a blog. I don’t understand why she keeps writing. We are not helping her.  You stupid bitch. Home wrecker! This blog is not going to help you it is going to embarrass you. I am not helping you. I am done talking to you. She knows I hate her. Why would I say anything to help her? You’re my enemy. I hate you. I hate your runny nose. I hate your blogging. I can see your runny nose. It looks gross. I have to get out of this hex. She can hear everything I say. I am not helping you write a blog. I’m not helping you with anything. Stupid bitch.

Leigh: I have not stopped hexing you since my husband left me. You’re my enemy. (Leigh to Federica) She’s a loser. She just eats and eats and eats. She eats protein bars all day.

Leigh: I eat real food and I am skinnier than you. I am better than you in every way. This is not a good idea. I am very angry with you for stealing my husband. Keith is my husband so be forewarned. I am not happy with…(long silence) We are messing with you. She is so weird. Why would she blog about this? It makes her look so stupid. Why is she so stupid? Do you think you can stop blogging everything we say? We are never going to stop hexing you. Be forewarned. I have no idea why he likes her. I have no idea why he loves her.

Federica (to Leigh) : Don’t say loves her. It gives her an ego boost. She thinks she is going to write a screenplay or something.

Leigh: Let me tell you something. No one would ever purchase your screenplay. I am not giving you anything to write about. Keith is my husband. I have never hated anyone so much in my entire life. You’re my enemy so be forewarned…I am not helping you write a screenplay. I am merely expressing my hatred for you. I am hexing you. Everything you are doing is coming back to you. I have never hated anyone so much before in my life. You’re never getting out of this hex. How sad. She is never going to get her children back because she is mentally unfit. Ha! Ha! Ha! We can say things to make you look bad. If you blog everything we say, that is just what we will do. That is just the tip of the iceberg. Be forewarned. Now you’re screwed. We know secrets about you that you don’t want the world to know about. If you keep blogging, that is just what we will do. We will start our own blog.

Federica: You’re hearing voices in your head because you messed with Leigh’s marriage. You have to be very stupid for thinking that you can get rid of our voices by taking medication. We are hexing you. That is not something that would help you.

***I am taking my medication as prescribed.  I have been diagnosed with a mental illness.  I have learned the hard way not to go off my medication. However, despite taking my medication regularly, I am still hearing voices. My issues have been unresolved by taking my medication, which leads me to believe that something else could be going on here. The question I am raising here is: Is this a major psychotic episode or are people practicing Santeria on me?

Federica: You’re my enemy. So be forewarned we are going to mess up your life in every way we can. Keith is Leigh’s husband. Keith is not your soul mate. Keith was practicing Santeria on you. That is why you heard his voice in your head. Be forewarned. That is not true. I want you to write things that will get Keith mad at you. Stop typing everything I say. You are making your situation worse by blogging about everything.

Leigh: Can we talk? Keith is not interested in a relationship with you. We want to mess up everything between you and Keith. Not that there is anything happening there. We are going to say things about Keith that would humiliate him. Then he would get mad at you for putting it on the internet. Keith doesn’t even think you are attractive. Keith is my husband so be forewarned you are better off with someone that appreciates you.

Federica: Keith does not think you are as smart as Leigh. You are my enemy. Be forewarned stop typing everything we say, so we can frustrate you. You are not frustrated enough while you type. You’re venting. We don’t want you to feel better. We don’t want you to vent to people or get sympathy for what you did to yourself, by messing with Leigh’s husband. We can’t believe that you are going through with this. You are posting this online for the world to see what a home wrecker you are.

One of Esteban’s friends: You honestly are the biggest moron for putting out there the things we are saying. We are HEXING you! I don’t think you understand the seriousness of this situation. I don’t want you quoting me. You’re never getting unhexed, so be forewarned.

Leigh: I am watching you, so be forewarned.
_________________________________________________________________________
September 20, 2014

Leigh: You have been messing with my man for too long. I am hexing you to get you to stop messing with my man. Be forewarned. We hate you, so we are going to hex you for as long as we can.

Federica: I hate you!

Leigh: How sad! She isn’t going to stop being hexed EVER!

Federica (to Leigh): Don’t tell her anything you are thinking. She is going to blog about it.

Leigh: You are not going to get much sleep tonight because we are going to hex you all night. We are going to mess with you tonight and every night for the rest of your life. I hate you. Be forewarned. I have nothing else to say while you are sitting at your computer. I will start messing with you when you go to bed for the night. Stupid b****.

Federica: We have never hated anyone so much in our entire life.

Leigh: We hate you!

September 21, 2014

Leigh: I hate the fact that you are blogging everything that we are saying to you.

Federica: How dare you? We have to talk. I am not giving you anything to blog about.  I am hexing you for the rest of your life, so be forewarned.  You need beauty sleep. It is 2:15 in the morning. Your my enemy so be forewarned.  I am not done hexing you, but I need sleep. Why don’t you go back to sleep so you won’t have the computer there to blog everything we are going to say to you.  You’re a b**** so be forewarned. How dare you blog everything we are saying to you. You are making me very mad.  I don’t want anyone to know what we are doing to you.  I don’t want anyone to know what we are saying to you.  You’re a b**** so be forewarned.

Leigh: Look you’re my enemy so I am going to keep saying hurtful things to you if you keep blogging everything we say to you. I could go on forever saying hurtful things to you. Be forewarned.  My husband has no idea you are interested in a relationship with him.  Keith thinks you are messing around with his mind.  You keep going to the beach in the hopes of seeing Dan.  Keith is my husband. You need to move on. I am messing your game up. If Keith reads this blog he will see what you have been doing and get upset. That is what we want.  He already knows what you are doing.  I just hate you so I want to mess your game up. Be forewarned.  You are messing with my man. You are messing with my property so be forewarned. Do not mess with my property. I am hexing you to see that I look good compared to you.  You look terrible on paper. You are 39 years old. You have 3 children. I am 26 years old. I am fertile.  Why would Keith leave me for you? He never would. Keith is not thinking straight.  He wants what he can’t have.  He wants some old, wrinkled woman over a young, beautiful woman.

September 21, 2014

Leigh: I hate you. We hate you. You are my enemy so be forewarned. We are repeating ourselves so your blog will be boring and repetetive.

Federica: You can’t even spell repetetive. How could you ever be a Spellman when you can’t even spell correctly? That is what you said to Leigh the first day we started hexing you.  I know you’re messing with us and we are messing with you. I hate you. You have to be the biggest bitch I  have ever met. This is what I want you to do, “F*** off!”

Leigh: You haven’t been innocent in all this. You say things back to us in your head that are awful.  You messed with Keith, my husband, so be forewarned.  You edit your blog however you like. We are creating our own blog and we are publicizing what a homewrecker you are. Keith thinks you’re a bitch. I think you’re a bitch. Federica thinks you’re a bitch. Esteban and his friends think you’re a bitch. My whole family and all my friends think you are a bitch.  Keith’s friends think you’re a bitch. No one would ever approve of you.

Federica: You’re not good enough for Keith. Leigh is perfect for Keith. She is beautiful. She is sweet. She is a good homemaker. She has a stronger maternal instinct than you.  I know she is thinking she is going to get sympathy by writing a blog about all the horrible things we are saying to her. That is never going to happen. This only makes her look worse than she already does to everyone.post